The Retrograde Growth

            We all grow up from tiny toddlers to young adults. With the passage of each day we become more rational and intelligent.
             Recall those days when you struggle learning alphabets. Remembering days of week and months of year was a gigantic task back then. And now you have mastered science, literature, mathematics and what not? You weren't able to dress up yourself and now you have become independent adult. Oh My God!!! You have grown up to a more intelligent, capable, rational and superior being. Really? Is growing physically, financially and mentally a true growth?
              Just once again look back and think of  your tiny version, who had super big dreams and compare it with your today's intelligent self whose life is stuck between career and family.
             That tiny underdeveloped version of yours had wanted to become a pilot to fly high, an astronaut to touch the stars, a scientist to discover something whooping. I still remember I used to think that I would build stairs from earth to sky and then I would daily go and touch the moon and the stars.  This is stupid and childish, right?
              And being grown up what our thinking is? To get a degree, job with six figured salary and a happy family life. Only this much. I really think my tiny version was much better who had big dreams. I haven't grown, I have depreciated. The dreams and ambitions have been belittled.
              What is the use of rationality if it deprives us of our dreams. If today I dream of becoming an astronaut trillions of thoughts will obstruct my dream. How to gain relevant qualifications? How to get admission in that course? How to arrange money for it? And the most dreadful question- What if after completing course I wouldn't end up becoming astronaut?
???????????????- These question marks is all that we have now.
              That child had faith that come what may I would do it. And this adult has doubts. As a child I used to think that everything is easy. Playing guitar, harmonium is very easy you just have to vibrate strings or press keys. Flying aeroplane - you just have to gear it and rotate steering wheel, It's damn simple😉. And now 30 lakh people are applying how will I get selected? Everyone is pursuing same degree I will not be able to suceed . I am not as intelligent as others........and much more. Sandeep Maheswari in one of his videos rightly remarked that whenever someone compliments us we say " Yaar main kahan itna acha hun, main kahan khoobsurat hun, mujhse koi kaam nahi hota, main kahan intelligent hun" ( I am neither that good, nor that beautiful. I can't do anything properly.  I am not intelligent) This is because we have formed an inferior image of ourselves even in our own minds. That child used to consider himself the "King of this World" and this adult places himself even below the beggars.
             The one who wanted to become a scientist is now worried - How many students would I get in my science coaching class this semester? The astronaut is busy finding a clerical job in space agency. The pilot had forgotten sky and is struggling to pay monthly rent of his 3 BHK flat.
            And at last one more stupid anecdote . I used to think that by sowing Kulfi a "Kulfi plant" would grow up. And I even sow my kulfi to get it😂😂😂. That was trust and faith that I once had. And now I even doubt that the struggle I am putting in will yield result or not.
              So are we really growing? If this is growth then I want to stuck in my childhood forever.  That child was much better than me of today because it had better vision and bigger plans with no selfish and materialistic motives. And the more and more I am growing the more rational and materialistic I am becoming. We are growing physically but when it comes to dreams we are depreciating.

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